Swimmom’s Weblog

Diary of a Stay-at-home Mom, motherhood and beyond

2 and counting (hopefully) February 2, 2009

If it were up to my husband we would have a small litter, the starting line up of a basketball team or going head to head with The Duggers. He had said he wants 7 kids and I used to think he was exaggerating, just a bit, but I know he is completely serious. You won’t see me with 18 kids or even 7 (that is unless some freak accident happens and I have multiples).  I doubt my uterus could hold up to that many births and I doubt my sanity could hold up to that much chaos.

At times, though it has been a smoother transition than I imagined, I have trouble with just 2.  Although, I love my children and wouldnt change them for anything, I swear my youngest, Sophia, just a couple days shy of 2 (going on 6), would have kept me barren if she were my first. My son, George, almost 4, whom I thought was busy and energetic, seems a mellow, calm match to my curious, ever moving, wandering and exploring beautiful princess Sophia.

But what do you consider when adding to your clan?

Money, I’m not concerned about. We aren’t millionaires or even 100 thousandaires but we are responsible hard working adults ready to tackly any financial strong hold.

If it were up to my overly opinionated sister-in-law, who proclamined to me during our family Christmas party that, “I know how she feels” about our quest for a third, we would stop at two.

I hear great advice from my husband’s friend, father of 5, that once you think you are done, have one more. And a wonderful comment from a long lost friend I’ve reconnected with through Facebook (my new addiction), “Why not add to the chaos?”

I see it two ways, on one had, I love my children and love being a mother and a wife, but that is not all I am. I have put my dreams on hold to care for my children and don’t want those dreams lost in the chaos of life. On the other hand, the stronger hand, we have so much love to give, so much to teach and so many dreams to nurture.

Why not add one more?

I’d never dreamed of being a mother, but upon meeting my husband, new dreams were realized. My desire to grow old with my husband, and my children and be surrounded by grandchildren and laughter, family. Our hearts are big enough for 2.

Why not add another miracle? God willing.

Why not add  2 more legs to run around the house, 2 more feet to pitter-patter about, 2 more hands to reach everything they shouldn’t, 2 more arms to give those great hugs and one more heart to add to the love and the laughter.

Besides, as my college friend, Michelle Valles, Austin News Anchor, put it to me so poignantly, she once heard a great person say, “I wanted jobs and kids, I wanted it all. I realized I can have it all, just not at the same time.”

I will have it all, some day I’ll get there. But for now, join me on my journey to make out family of 4, a clan of 5.


SAHM seeks PCD (playdate companion) January 9, 2008

I feel like I am sneaking in a post as I sit here, on the floor in the kids play room (everyone soundly napping) laptop perched upon the Spongebob chair.

We had a play “date” today with one of the mother’s I meet almost a year ago at our local Gymboree. I emphasize the word date because that is what it feels like, mother’s sizing each other and their kids up to see if you and your little one could be a likely play date companion. After the initial approach, exchange of phone numbers, and first call, it feels like the luck of the draw, you never know what you are going to get!

But what are you supposed to expect?

Friendship or just someone to go on play dates with?

We went out today and I felt like the “red headed step child” of the mother friends. My friend had bought her cousin, who doesn’t have kids and another mother and her daughter from my friend’s daughter’s preschool. The entire time we were there they sat and talked in their little circle. It is hard for me to do that with my kids. In order for Sophia to play, I have to play with her.

Maybe I just need to take it for what it is worth, a play date.

I guess the initial reason I go on them is so that my son will get to go places and play with and meet other children.

Although at first, I enjoyed my friend’s company and my son enjoyed her daughter’s company, but they have grown apart. Now they attend different preschools and have different friends (as much as kids can be “friends” in preschool), so maybe it’s time for me to branch out and move on.

Meet some mothers with kids in my son’s class.


I’m afraid of rejection.

What if I’m just not that mother’s cup of tea? After all, I’m not just the plain blend, neither are my children.

We come with a little sweetness and spice, shall we say an exotic blend?

I think I just have to suck it up and take play dates for what they’re worth, great experiences for my children to develop and grow socially. And if a new mom friend comes along with it , I’ll just take it as an added bonus.

Maybe I should take out an ad:

Energetic, outgoing, friendly, married, suburban, African

American Stay-At-Home Mother of 2 beautiful interracial

children seeks another mother for play dates and possible

friendship. Ethnic background not important. Must be outgoing,

flexible and spontaneous, able to experience new things with

toddler in tow. Be willing to share motherhood experiences

similar but not limited to potty training, temper tantrums, and

sibling rivalry. Friendship not necessary, but is a welcomed bonus.

Weekly play dates preferred but not necessary and can be

rescheduled and canceled due to necessary parenting,

family mishaps, not limited to weather, sickness, flat tires,

temper tantrums, or just plain old mommy tiredness. Most

important just be willing to have a great time, leaving the

competitive, petty BS at home.


Mark your ethnicity November 14, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — swimmom @ 3:49 pm
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“Mark the ethnicity that applies to you”

Who ever created that question on the application?

Is it ever that easy?

With the amount of diversity in the world, are we ever just one complete race?

It is great to embrace our cultures as a whole. When I was pregnant with my first, I don’t know if it was hormones or just the plight of the unknown. I was concerned about this question.

What box would they check and would they have issues?

Even though I am mixed, I am and appear to be African American(I am very proud of my heritage). So it was easy, though a couple times I did check other. My kids appear to be Caucasian, but they aren’t completely Caucasian. Somewhere between the unchecked boxes and the senseless worrying you realize it’s not the answer or the color of their skin that matters.

It never was about the box.

Its seeing your kids grow, learn, and smile.

It’s knowing that your kids are healthy and that if they are ever haunted by the fear of checking the box that you are there to help them figure it out.


Unexpected Inquiry

Filed under: Uncategorized — swimmom @ 3:44 pm
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This summer I was at the park with my family and there was an adorable, but nosy little girl playing on the swings next to us, if I remember correctly I think she was about 5 years old. She was drowning me with questions:

“How old is your baby?”

“Why is she sitting like that?”

“Why is he playing in dirt?” (referring to my 2 year old)

This kept going for a good hour, and trying not to seem impatient or slightly annoyed, I tried to answer the questions, the best I could. And then she asked the question I had no idea how to answer,

“How come your kids are white and you aren’t?”

Panic, my face reddened and a hard swallow followed. I stuttered and stammered and pretended not to hear. Oh gosh, she repeated,

“How come your kids are white and you aren’t?”

I didn’t know how to answer in a way a 5 year old would understand or so I thought.

I cautiously began, “Well, their father is white, and kids come in all different shades of colors.”

She was distracted by her brother, and I grabbed the stroller made a hard escape to the sliding boards.

Where was her mother?

Yards away reading a newspaper, paying no attention.

I can’t believe I was escaping that question from a 5 year old little girl. I am 33, I should be able to tackle anything. right?

How do you answer that question?

According to my mom, I answered it right (and moms know best).

Then again, maybe I should have joined her game and quickly spouted,

“How come you wear your hair like that?”

Any suggestions!