Reality Check August 26, 2008

This morning, while my kids where watching their usual PBS shows, I announced that I needed to take a shower. My son startled me at what he said next.

“I need to take a shower. I’m all dirty and stinky.” I said. (I had just done my usual morning workout)

My son looked at me and explained, “You do need to take a shower. I like my color, not yours,” as he pointed to his cheek.

I hesitated, not knowing what to say next.

“What do you mean?”, I asked. ” You don’t like my skin color?”

“I like Sophia’s white shirt.” He explained. That should have been key enough that he didn’t mean what he said, or what I thought he meant.

Probing. “You don’t like me skin color?” I asked again, trying to get into the head of my 3 1/2 year old son, an impossible task itself.

“No, I like your skin color.” he said.

I don’t know why, but I was close to tears.

I called my dad.

“George is 3. He has no idea what he is saying. If he was 10, then you discuss it, but he is 3. You told him you were dirty and stinky. He probably relates it to when he is in the dirt and you tell him he is dirty and stinky and needs to take a shower.”

I know this is probably true.

But still.

I don’t know if I am ready to talk about race stuff or if I am ready to handle it. I know it’s not now, but it will be some day. What if your child, who now looks at you with such unconditional love, all of a sudden has questions to why mommy is “different”?

My dad, who is part Caucasian and part African-American, insists that even though your kids probably will ask questions, they will always love you because you are there parents.

And I guess that’s true. I remember being called an Oreo Cookie (kids can be mean) at school but it never made me not like my parents for being one race or the other, it made me not like the kids calling me names.

So I guess all I can do is tell my kids that there are many different types of people in the world and being one way or another doesn’t make you better, it just makes you different. And differences are what make our world what it is today. People are different sizes, shapes, races, religions, and so much more.

Besides without all these different people we wouldn’t have Sesame Street, Spongebob (a sponge) wouldn’t live in the Ocean with a squirrel and a star fish and Bob the Builder wouldn’t be good friends with Scoop, Muck or Dizzy.

Now that, my 3 year old should understand.

They really do think of everything.. August 21, 2008

…and my awesome sister-in-law can find it.

If you read, my previous post, because he insists on standing, my son has a little trouble aiming at that low potty. For those of you that find yourself in the same messy situation, my sister in law just found this on Target.com

The Peter Potty Flushable Urinal.

Yes Kris, they really do think of everything.

And you bet I’m gonna but it!

Sit or Stand August 21, 2008

I am crossing my toes as I write you this (would do my fingers, but I have to type, right? anyway….) in order to ward off all bad potty spirits, as I take time to gloat about the success of my son’s potty training attempts.

He is doing great!

He has stayed dry for 3 days, no accidents.

We bought him just your good ‘ol plain potty and it worked.  Number 2 is another story but he has stayed dry, peeing on the potty all the time. He wakes up dry from naps, bedtime and stays dry while he was at camp (though I put him in a pull up). So, he was using the big potty and  but we decided we needed to buy him a potty his own size, just in case he decides to try number 2, so that he has his feet planted firmly on the ground. (we bought him one last winter but it had too many bells and whistles and all he wanted to do was play in it and take it apart).

Anyway, he still refuses to sit on the potty, he will only stand, so you can only imagine, having to aim at such a low target, has left much room for, shall we say creativity. He now plays “fire hose” if you get my drift and if he can’t hit the potty, he hits any target in his way, the wall and his sister, yes, he peed on his sister.

And since he pees with the door open, and Sophia is super nosy (I wonder who she gets it from…), she wants to be in the middle of the action watching intently as George makes efforts to go on the potty. If I don’t catch her fast enough, she wants to play in it, and put her hand in the stream. (does anyone have this problem or just me?)

I think the whole watching her brother pee on the potty has left some room for confusion on her part. We bought her a little Baby Bjorn potty (so she wouldn’t mess with George’s) and she wanted to sit on it at first.

Now she stands in front of it, lifts her shirt and pull her pants down. OY!!!

Potty on the Brain August 19, 2008

I’ve got potty training on the brain. I know you probably don’t want to come to my site and read about potty training all the time, but I can’t help it, I’ve got “PB”, Potty Brain.

Potty training really tests not only your parenting skills but your determination, consistency and patience. I can’t wait to look back and think, “Geez, I can’t believe I thought potty training was hard!” Or maybe you just think it always was. It’s hard to know when to press, when to back off. If I back off too much will my son be denied entrance into Pre-K in Fall 2009 because he still wants to wear a diaper at the ripe age of 4 1/2! Probably not because there is a strong likelihood that he will indeed be potty trained by then (cross my fingers, but still). But at the rate he is going at now, I swear, he’ll be like 12 and needing to wear a pull up to school. Okay exaggeration, but you get my drift.

Anyway, we seemed to have found a break through and I can’t talk about it until I know it has stuck so I’ll tell you in a couple days. In the meantime, I need a bit of laughter, if you have anything funny about potty training to share, like a funny story. I would love to hear it, Please chime in below!!!

Take me out to the Ball Game….. August 15, 2008

I have been completely consumed with watching the Olympics and Micheal Phelps quest for a record amount of gold. I have stayed up way past the times that I should every night so I don’t miss a beat. Remember, like I said before swimming used to be my life, my first love, that is until I met my husband and had kids, but as many of you know, you never forget your first love. Swimming still lies deep in my blood and within my soul.

Anyway…enough about swimming. If you have checked out the link in the upper right hand corner of my blog, I have given you some of my favorite places to take a day out with the family and tonight I have to add 2 places, one of them I wish I added sooner.

But here we go…

1. Kid Junction in Mt Laurel is now open and be prepared on that first visit with your toddler, they will kick and scream and not want to leave, trust me, it happened to me. I love this place because it is very clean. There are great “stations”. They have a great climbing/slide section for toddlers and a smaller section for infants they call Jail with a safety gate so no prisoners break free (cute). They have a post office, a gym, a vet, pizza place and a grocery store. Don’t forget to bring a couple extra bucks for the token rides and to grab a bite to eat in the great little “cafe”. The place is big enough for you child to run around, yet small enough not to lose them. And don’t fret if you do, each child and parent is given a matching number upon entry and they won’t let you leave without checking it twice. Admission is $9.95 for child 2 and over and $6.95 for 2 and under. This place is definitely worth the time to check out and possibly a great place for a birthday party.

2. Camden Riversharks, Campbell Field, Camden, New Jersey. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner, or mention it and maybe it’s because we really just took both kids there today so I didn’t think of it. But for $44 (can’t beat it) for the family of 4, (and that’s for the “good” seats). We purchased the seats online and picked them up at the will call, they have great events and today happened to be public safety day so the place was filled with firetrucks and firemen, of course, my son thought it was the coolest thing. After taking in “red”, we grabbed a bite to eat (you could probably pack snacks or eat before hand and just buy ice cream) and then found our seats. My kids lasted a whole 2 innings before they wanted to get up and my husband and I didn’t think they would lost through the 4th inning, but after a carousel ride, playing in the Fun Zone (this does cost $5 but worth every penny) eating ice cream, cruising the stadium and a couple trips to the bathroom (yes, he stayed dry the entire time) before we knew it, it was the 9th inning and we took our seats for a great Fireworks Display (I believe they do it every Friday night). These fireworks beat out the ones we saw on the 4th of July by far. My son thought it was the greatest thing ever and my daughter, put her hand over her face and fell asleep (yes, she nodded off during the fireworks). A cool bonus, great scenery, and with the field being right next to the Ben Franklin Bridge, my train enthusiast caught glimpse of probably half a dozen train trips across the bridge. This is worth every penny. If you can’t check it out this season, put it on your list for next. Oh yeah…if your child is small and doesn’t need their own seat, no charge.

Dreams Revisited August 12, 2008

I almost made the Olympic Team.

Almost.

I competed in 3 Olympic Trials (1988, 1992 and 1996) and my highest place was 8th place. Unfortunately in the events I swam only the top 2 made the team.

Almost.

It has been 12 years since I swam competitively and to this day, when the sunlight and the air is just right, on a Saturday morning, I can take a deep breathe in and smell the pool and become engulfed in the atmosphere of a swim meet or an early morning workout.

Every 4 years when the Summer Olympics rolls around, I find myself glued to the Television. Often staying up well, past midnight to get in all the swimming events I can watch. I cry for the victories and the losses. I stand up, I cheer, and in my heart, I wish I was there.

Especially now, with the new suits and that amazing pool. Beijing, today’s technology, or shall we say suit-ology, has created the “perfect storm”. Sure, if you aren’t an Olympian or a World record holder, I highly doubt that pool or that suit will “make” you good. But it has to play a little bit mentally too, just because you have the talent and the determination, swimming, like any sport becomes a mind game and it is easy to talk, or shall I say doubt, yourself out of a great race.

Anyway, I loved swimming, still do. But I loved competing.

The adrenaline and anticipation.

I loved it.

I got a lot from swimming: I traveled around the world, met lots of great people and learned a lot about myself. I learned, it may sound cliche, but, what the mind believes the body achieves. I learned to have confidence, I learned how to win and just as importantly how to loose. But most importantly I think I learned swimming isn’t everything. At the end of the day, you have family, you have friends and you have a life ahead of you, where most people really don’t care how fast you swam the 100 butterfly.

Dreams are what keep you alive, striving for more and motivate you to live.

But at the end of the day, your family, will not care whether or not you made the Olympic Team. but they will love you for what you have become for for striving for your dream and believing in yourself.

I hope that my kids will learn through sports what I learned.

I hope that I won’t be one of those crazy parents on the sideline.

And that, although rejoicing in their victories and their triumphs and crying in their defeats, that I will stand back and let my kids have fun and become their own person, their own athlete.

I hope I will let their dreams, be “their” dreams.

But, I will be at the Olympics one day.

Maybe not as an athlete, although I am seriously motivated by Dara Torres.

But maybe as a spectator, a volunteer or maybe the parent of an athlete.

I dream to enhale the spirit of the Olympics, the spirit of competition.

Trains, Trucks and Bridges….Oh MY! August 11, 2008

One thing I love about having kids is watching their enjoyment and complete excitement over “simple” things.

My son, the train enthusiast, and I took a train ride to my parents house this weekend. Sitting on the train, watching his face as he looked out the window was one of the most amazing moments, I hope to have captured for a lifetime.

He noticed everything, every station stop (there were at least a dozen), every car and bridge. He noticed every time a passenger got on and got off.

Every train we passed became one of Thomas’ friends (Thomas the train). We, of course, were riding Edward, but on the way we passed Thomas, Toby, Emily and Gordon. We even stopped at Wellsworth and Tidmouth station (for all of you non-Thomas the train enthusiasts, those are stations on the Island of Sodor, in Thomas’ world, as my son would call it).

He noticed when the tracks were bumpy and the train was “steady” and counted all the little the drops on the window from the rain outside.

His face was lit with pure glee and happiness as we waited at the station for the train to arrive and the entire 45 minute ride to my parents.

That train ride taught me the importance of appreciating the every day things we take for granted but also finding the excitement in the “mundane”. Seeing your kids smile isn’t about buying the most expensive toy at the store or taking them to some exotic island or place. Sometimes, it’s spending time with your kids and showing them you are interested in what they are excited about.

Honestly, before I had my son could really care less about trains, firetrucks or any other construction, transportation or emergency vehicle that I passed on the road. But now, I know all their names, roles and signals they make. And most importantly I know that my son lives, breathes and dreams trains, he can hear a train signal from miles away and remembers every train track we have ever passed on a long and short drive. He can probably run down any dog chasing a fire truck and passing a construction site or seeing a police car speeding down the street is, to him, just as wonderful as seeing all those presents under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning.

Train Ticket to my parents house: $4.75

Watching my son light up as we boarded the train: priceless

Grocery Store Monsters August 8, 2008

I felt my temperature rise and my blood pressure sky rocket as I walked through the grocery store.

I swore I was this close to breaking out into a sweat as my son’s scream echoed through Wegman’s, my daughter’s closely followed. If I didn’t need to be at the grocery store at this moment, I would seriously just leave my cart in the middle of the aisle, grab my kids and quickly exit the store.

This amazing display of toddler behavior, that shouted to my fellow shoppers, was bought on by a treat I purchased at the cookie counter. Once my son realized he wasn’t going to get it NOW, and he had to wait until after dinner, he lost his cool and I lost mine, while I picked the perfect place to assert my myself and hold my own.

I leaned down to the “car” shopping cart my kids shared and spoke, what I thought, was very calmly, “No George, you cannot have a cookie now, you must wait until after dinner.”

As I repeated myself, I stabbed myself with the temper tantrum knife right in the middle of the back. I felt it pierce my skin as my determination to hold my word, in a public place, set the stage for disaster.

My sweet, curly headed, beautiful 3 year old son morphed into an ugly monster and took his innocent 17 month old sister along for the ride.

Sure, it sounds a little dramatic but if you have been there, which I am sure plenty of you have, there is no pretty way to paint this picture.

My son screamed and then cried. When I leaned down and told him it would be okay, I understood how he felt but he needed to stop crying in the store, he repeated, while screaming, “I can’t stop crying, I can’t stop.” And then hearing, what must have been a sibling signal of distress, my daughter followed suite. Although her crys were high pitched.

People stared and my nervousness caused me to look at them and giggle.

One women who I had encountered at the deli counter before the “blow-up” whom had commented that my children were so happy and beautiful, had met me again at the register with my cart of terror and gave me this look of horror.

I smiled.

But felt like saying come on lady, like you’ve never seen crying kids before.

Anyway, so I learned my lesson…..

1. Never go to the store when your 3 year old hasn’t napped.

2. No matter how bad you want to, the grocery store is not the place to assert yourself when dealing with your 3 year old and your very impressionable 18 month old.

And number 3….

Sometimes things don’t go the way you planned, kids scream, blood pressures rise and people stare but things could always be worse, trust me.

Besides, store tempter tantrums don’t last forever, they usually ( I said usually) abruptly subside the minute you pass the threshold and exit onto the outside sidewalk, no more bright lights, on-lookers and nothing for your toddlers to want you to immediately buy.

This wasn’t the first time and unfortunately, I’m sure it won’t be the last.

School Days August 7, 2008

With the preschool season quickly approaching and paperwork for sign-up hitting it’s quick August 15th deadline, I have a couple things to consider: do I send him 2 short days ( two and a half hours) like last year or do I increase to 2 longer days (he would stay and eat lunch) or 3 short days?

The dilemma.

And honestly, most of the issue is probably on my part , not my son’s. He would probably love staying a little longer and eating lunch with all of the other kids. But all I do when he is gone is keep a close watch on the clock and a close watch on my anxiety. The anxiety of the unknown. You’d think it would helpn that the place I send him to is great and the teachers are caring, helpful and I completely adore and trust them with my son, and that he has been going there for a year and loves it….but still.

My dad tells me to get over it, my mom tells me George probably loves being around the other kids (and I know he does) and my husband says it’s good for him (which I know it is).

But does it really get any easier?

Aren’t those just the normal anxieties when you send your kids to school or am I completely neurotic?

Deep down, I wish I could keep my kids in a protective little bubble. A bubble that wards off fear, insecurities, bullies, and evertyhing else that is harmful, destructive and may cause tears.

But in reality, I know all that stuff builds strength and character for him….and me.

Besides, that parenting manual the gave me when they sent me home from the hospital with my babies addressed and prepared me for all these issues.

No…. really. Maybe not.

So today I dropped him off at camp (the same place he goes to school, and same teachers) with his lunch and new Thomas the train backpack in tow, so he could “try it out” a longer day, before we committed to going longer days (not that you can’t change your mind, but still).

So here we are just after 10:00 and I still have about 2 hours to go until I pick him up.

I am sure I could get some things done, but that would be way too productive, right?

On a lighter note, one morning this past weekend after I got up to workout my husband remained in bed and my son climbed into bed to join him. Upon getting up my husband,forgetting he wasn’t wearing any underwear, got out of bed, stood up and was met with my son’s stares.

“Oh, that’s the longer one, right?”, he asked.

I am unsure exactly, what happened next but I am sure my husband, in all of his embarrassment and humiliation, proudly proclaimed, “Yes”.

Thomas trumps the Potty….any day of the week! August 6, 2008

How many accidents are too many? And is there such a thing?

What do you do when your son is dry for 3 hours and then starts playing with his favorite toy and refuses and fights to get up to go to the potty? Do you drag him to the potty with every little bit of your potty training desperation ? Or do you let him wait it out and “wet” it out,over and over again?

Is this all just part of the training process for him….and for me?

Maybe my desire for him to potty train is not as strong as his desire to be “trained”?

Or maybe that’s the problem.

What do you do when the potty becomes you and your child’s worst nightmare?

Look for answers on your blog ? Or maybe a sign from the Porcelain King?

My son maybe a potty training late bloomer.

He is completely resistant to all attempts at potty training so now my plan is to let him be and let him go when he wants to go. I don’t know what else to do.

I thought he was ready, he stayed dry for long periods of time, asked to go on the potty, etc, etc, and then it all stopped. I thought maybe it was the whole pull-up action. Because it is really like just wearing a diaper. It allows you to get wet and for as long as you want to, stay wet. You can go in a pull-up and I think, or at least I thought that was the problem. So, I tried just letting him run around bare naked, but that didn’t work, George peed and pooped on the floor, and then played in it.

Then I tried underwear but and he stayed dry and was successful that is until he got busy playing. I even set a timer and told him to try and go every hour, but once he began playing with his trains, there was no stopping him. I would literally have to drag him in kicking and screaming.

Thomas, Percy and the gang ruled over peeing in the potty any day.

So I am at a loss, I have no idea what to do. Maybe it is just the fact that he is not ready yet. My sister-in-law, whose 3 1/2 year old son just became potty trained about a week or 2 ago, agrees that George isn’t ready and insists that I wait until he is 3 1/2 and something will just click and he’ll want to go on the potty.

I hope it, no let me rephrase, I wish would be that easy.

Well, so that gives me 5 weeks and counting. I know every kid is different and they all develop at different rates, but quite frankly I’m not buying it.

What if my son happens to be lazy at potty training and his smarts have outwitted my attempts when it comes to the P-O-T-T-Y?

It’s not that fact that George doesn’t want to go on the potty. When there is nothing else to do, like at night when he doesn’t want to go to bed, or in public when he wants to see the new potty, or well…just because, he’ll stay completely dry, number one and 2. But for the most part during the day, nothing. I tried rewards and he was great. But when he didn’t want the rewards anymore he stopped going on the potty. I hope someone has some great advice, all you potty training experts out there.

My husband always reminds me that I should expect my son to be a little late jumping on the potty training bandwagon because he was also a stubborn one. When my husband was 4 years-old my mother-in-law wondered why she hadn’t seen him go number one or number 2 for a good amount of time and then she realized he was going behind that garage with the dog.

See what I have to work with!